A good friend of mine asked me to do and interesting exercise: to write something about men and women relationships. Believe me, this is truly a daunting task, but I feel this time I really have something to talk about.
Knowing from my own experience a relationship is a process in which two individuals shape each other into gears that fits well in a common engine. Same engine that, if runs well, can take you really far and smoothly to your dreamed destination. This shaping process is not easy, especially if you’re more up to the shaping than getting shaped, and the other way around. Some people are really scared to the shaping and submit themselves to the other persons will. Most likely because of the fear and insecurity that the other person won’t like the shape they’re getting. I put an example. Say you meet somebody and there is the chemistry and after some really shared moments you finally get together. Incredible feeling, unbelievable emotions and you don’t want to screw up, right? The tiger is dead and now you start feeling fear for its skin. You start feeling like this person will lose interest on you, so you turn down whatever your life plans, including your truly self, in order to keep the other person happy. What happened to that person that they used to know? That funny person, open, sociable and happy suddenly turns into a submissive character into mortal fear to be left alone. Now dependency has been created: you become a ballast for the other person and most likely your happiness depends on the mood swings of your beloved.
Do you remember how you learned to ride a bicycle, do you? You fell, several times; you woke up and kept trying until you learned how to ride a bicycle properly. Do you remember how did you learn to cook a good pasta? That’s right: don’t be afraid to screw it up, you should risk and turn down the curtain and find out whether the person behind is who likes you the way you are and who deserves to shape you as well.
There is the other extreme, when it’s you who is demanding the other person to fit whatever the shape is: a triangle, a circle, a square… it doesn’t matter it should fit perfectly or nothing. Take a break, think of a relationship as a partnership where everybody wins if the project goes fine. Let the other person feel like its part of something important where the effort is worthy and the reward at the end of the journey is great.
Those were the extremes. What is in between is what gives spicy to the relationship: to find those critical points in which the boundaries are drawn. There are personal spaces, convictions and whatsoever that has a line that certainly shouldn’t be crossed. Think of it as a matter of personal respect and space. Some days the boundaries are different, both for male and female. Battlefield has been set and then comes the common sense and lots of patience to sort things out as soon as possible. It’s not worthy to move the little differences to other areas and let them grow as a snowball. Face them, solve them and be happy. After each little fight comes the sweet taste of the reconciliation and a lesson has been learned. Remember: it’s all about shaping.
I wouldn't talk about a perfect relationship because it is an utopia. But think of somebody with whom you can speak for hours and hours as if it were just few minutes; somebody who understands you and have lots of thing in common and most important that you can build a future together. For me that's good enough to describe a good relationship.
People comes and goes, you never know what is beyond the sea if you don’t dare to swim all the way to the other shore. Some day you will feel that this is the right person, and you will have the experience to sort things in a better way. Experience makes the master. It is better if you carry no pressures at all, even life is short but still it’s a ride that deserves to explore the terrain and figure it out whether or not is the area you want to settle.
Knowing from my own experience a relationship is a process in which two individuals shape each other into gears that fits well in a common engine. Same engine that, if runs well, can take you really far and smoothly to your dreamed destination. This shaping process is not easy, especially if you’re more up to the shaping than getting shaped, and the other way around. Some people are really scared to the shaping and submit themselves to the other persons will. Most likely because of the fear and insecurity that the other person won’t like the shape they’re getting. I put an example. Say you meet somebody and there is the chemistry and after some really shared moments you finally get together. Incredible feeling, unbelievable emotions and you don’t want to screw up, right? The tiger is dead and now you start feeling fear for its skin. You start feeling like this person will lose interest on you, so you turn down whatever your life plans, including your truly self, in order to keep the other person happy. What happened to that person that they used to know? That funny person, open, sociable and happy suddenly turns into a submissive character into mortal fear to be left alone. Now dependency has been created: you become a ballast for the other person and most likely your happiness depends on the mood swings of your beloved.Do you remember how you learned to ride a bicycle, do you? You fell, several times; you woke up and kept trying until you learned how to ride a bicycle properly. Do you remember how did you learn to cook a good pasta? That’s right: don’t be afraid to screw it up, you should risk and turn down the curtain and find out whether the person behind is who likes you the way you are and who deserves to shape you as well.
There is the other extreme, when it’s you who is demanding the other person to fit whatever the shape is: a triangle, a circle, a square… it doesn’t matter it should fit perfectly or nothing. Take a break, think of a relationship as a partnership where everybody wins if the project goes fine. Let the other person feel like its part of something important where the effort is worthy and the reward at the end of the journey is great.
Those were the extremes. What is in between is what gives spicy to the relationship: to find those critical points in which the boundaries are drawn. There are personal spaces, convictions and whatsoever that has a line that certainly shouldn’t be crossed. Think of it as a matter of personal respect and space. Some days the boundaries are different, both for male and female. Battlefield has been set and then comes the common sense and lots of patience to sort things out as soon as possible. It’s not worthy to move the little differences to other areas and let them grow as a snowball. Face them, solve them and be happy. After each little fight comes the sweet taste of the reconciliation and a lesson has been learned. Remember: it’s all about shaping.
I wouldn't talk about a perfect relationship because it is an utopia. But think of somebody with whom you can speak for hours and hours as if it were just few minutes; somebody who understands you and have lots of thing in common and most important that you can build a future together. For me that's good enough to describe a good relationship.
People comes and goes, you never know what is beyond the sea if you don’t dare to swim all the way to the other shore. Some day you will feel that this is the right person, and you will have the experience to sort things in a better way. Experience makes the master. It is better if you carry no pressures at all, even life is short but still it’s a ride that deserves to explore the terrain and figure it out whether or not is the area you want to settle.
2 comments:
mientras se esta consciente de que una relacion no es una guerra en la que cada una de las partes trata de ganar sobre la otra con eso en mente son mas llevaderas otras facetas como la competencia profesional o la interaccion social que a veces si pueden llegar a serlo
It's noteworthy to remember that the fact of our existence hear- is hurtfully objective and even a few explanations of this condition, it's so hard to accept any of them. This is a lesson of humility. Than it's commendable to notice the same situation of the rest. This is a lesson of compassion. Repeating this lesson guides to the symphaty. It releases from the armour on the battlefield.
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